3 Tips for Having Meaningful Conversations with Older Students

When Middle and High School Students enter the classroom, they bring with them their full selves—their evolving friendships, distractions, and complex thoughts about being at school.

Some good, some not so good.

Students don’t simply leave their emotions at the door.

Teachers know their students' lives are influenced by a wide range of social factors. But sometimes it can be difficult to navigate these conversations.

Even when using a curriculum, helping students with social topics can be overwhelming, often intimidating.

It can be challenging to determine what’s age-appropriate or how to make these discussions meaningful. Middle and High School students can be skeptical. Resistant.

You understand.

Here are some tips to help you engage older students in meaningful conversations:

Experience something first.

Experience always precedes authentic conversation.

Older students tend to connect more over shared experiences than abstract concepts. If you ask them to discuss a concept like 'being respectful' without a shared experience, you might get responses ranging from blank stares to 'I don’t know,' or even 'alien invasions.' You’ll also get kids saying what they think the teacher wants to hear. Engage students in a shared experience that highlights their behavior toward respect in real-time, and suddenly they have something meaningful to talk about.

Be authentic.

Authenticity is one of the most important qualities an educator can have because it builds trust.

Before starting any conversation, reflect on your own experiences with the topic. Why do concepts like work ethic or grit matter to you? How have these skills shaped who you are? What would your life be like without them?

For example, you might share a personal story: "I remember studying for my exams while working two jobs—there were times I wanted to quit, but I kept pushing forward."

Sharing stories connects us to others, increasing our authenticity and relatability.

After you’ve considered your own story, ask yourself, why does this topic matter for your students? Why does it matter for this school? What would the world be like if everyone had this skill?

Teenagers will always pick up on an educator’s lack of or authentic interest. Whether or not you believe a topic is meaningful, your students will know.

Avoid gimmicks.

Avoid flashy gimmicks, bribes, or manipulative tactics to engage students. If you’re using a curriculum to teach skills, steer clear of those that try too hard to be relatable through catchy music, cartoon graphics, or trends. These methods are likely to be mocked and criticized by students. Real-life examples will resonate more than contrived scenarios. Any approach that suggests teenagers need to be "fixed" will be met with resistance. No one wants to be forced or pushed out of their comfort zone. A discussion that implies there is only one correct response will quickly lose their interest.

Instead of relying on gimmicks or other manipulative tactics, show genuine curiosity about your students’ lives, behaviors, and growth. Be open to all types of responses and behaviors. How you respond and engage with one student will signal to the rest that it’s safe to participate and join in.